Today I was told by a middle-aged man that it was a good thing that I was traveling a foreign country and trying new things. So we talked about it for a while and I told him that I was going to graduate from university in december and had yet to decide what to do, and that it was part of the reason I was doing something like this. That the best way to decide on what to do was to try new things to see if I liked it. He seemed to agree and told me that being undecided was not a bad thing, at least not until 30. I then told him that even if that was true, deciding on what to do, even if it’s not for settling down, was a challenge.
And then he said: “It’s true that you’re a girl, I guess you must be thinking about raising children soon.”
raising children soon. soon. But I’m only 21.
And then his mother agreed.
For some reason, being 21 in here in Japan and in Canada feels completely different. I’m not sure if it’s a rural thing, a rural Japan thing or a Japan thing, but I’m guessing it’s a Japan thing (although it’s not limited to Japan). People in Japan tend to say these things in the first 5 minutes of meeting me: Isn’t Canada cold? Your skin is so white (women say that, not men). Do you have a boyfriend? (usually in this order, too)
That very last question leads to interesting things. I remember feeling really awkward when I went to Tokyo 3 years ago because of it. I had a boyfriend at the time, so the answer was “yes”. So then people asked for how long, and when I told them that we had been going out for over 2 years, people were asking me when I was going to get married. At 18 years old, I had never thought about it at all, so it was a shock. I eventually broke up with him because I kept thinking about getting married to him and just knew it would never happen.
But now I’m single. So when I tell people that I don’t have a boyfriend, people ask me why because I’m pretty. (I only get told I’m pretty in Japan, it’s an awkward feeling but another story. But then would it be normal for me to be single if I was “ugly/unpretty”? But that is another story too.) And then some other people ask me if I want to get married to a Japanese man because you know, they know single people around my age.
I don’t know what to make of it.
The only thing I know is that I hate being told what to do. If I get married it’s because I found the right person (whatever that means, I guess it’s different for everyone. I still don’t know what it means to me), not because I’m 30 and it’s time to pop out children. If I have children it’s because I want them.
I still don’t know if I’ll get married or not, if I’ll have children or not, but I feel like women have an easier time making that choice in Canada than in Japan.
I’m reblogging my other tumblr :)
